Book of Judges

As I find myself getting older, with my twenty-third birthday just behind me (I know, I never said I was old, just that I am getting older), I am finding beauty in the aging maturity of some of my peers. We have come so far, from stealing garden hoses to breaking hearts. I truly try to be in touch with both my body and mind. This task is incredibly important to me as I feel my body can tell me something is "wrong" or "amiss" before my brain can relay it to me. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to let go of some of the "control" issues I was having. It is an amazing feeling to understand that whatever will come, will come. Regardless of how much I stress out over it, how much I worry. I am realizing that when I am stressed, it comes out in the most negative ways, usually on Mike since he is the closest one to me. I am also starting to love the fact that while my relationships (personal and professional) are not even close to perfect, people are more willing to love and accept those imperfections of mine.

Take yesterday for instance. I wore a black balloon skirt and a turtle-neck tee-shirt with zebra print black and white wedges to work. Now this is what Mike and I both call a "fashion disaster". However, I got nothing but compliments all day long. I am starting to think that people are not always so judgemental of me. That I am my own worst critic and enemy. I am in love with these new discoveries. I feel like I am five years old going on forty. Not yet married. No children (unless the dogs count). I am happy with the choices I have made in my life so far and the choices that Mike and I have made in our relationship. We have had a far from perfect union, but we have put each other through a lot and if we can make it through those kind of things, I think we can make it through most anything. Once I become more confident, less insecure (working on it every day) I think it will help us to become even closer. I have been quite goofy the past week or so and have really enjoyed being around Mike (I always do). I am trying to release the stress. Give myself permission that it is okay to feel happy, to feel good, to be confident in the decisions I make. I am learning to trust myself and then trust in others will follow.