The Joy I Did Not Bestow

I will never know what his face looked like.  I made it a point to look away so that the last time I saw him would be right after lunch, when he was still a hard working, smiling employee.  Hard working being a relative term.  I could not stomach the thought of affecting lives in such a way.  Especially the dogs.  They did not do anything to deserve to be kicked out of their home, I feel horrible.  Although I am not at fault, I did what I was told to do.  Serve him an employee written notice with follow up reported to the boss.  I hope that you find peace, sir.  I pray that you find a company that truly appreciates all of the hard work that you do.  I hope that this is a blessing for you.  I hope that you end up right where you want and need to be.

La Croissance est Dure de Faire

I run away in my mind more often than I think I should.  It is this perpetual feeling that things are too complicated, overwhelming, out of control.  Isn't that what this is all about?  Growing up is like looking for a light switch.  In the dark.  On the other side of the house.  I speak often of personal growth, expanding those wings and finding a new flight.  The part that I do not speak of, mostly the part which I often chose to ignore, the part that I push back and let it drive me personally crazy without speaking of it, or trying to release my unsureness, is the crappiness of the bad.  There are awful parts to becoming an "adult".  I am faced with a horrible act that I have to follow through with tomorrow.  I am viewed in this icky light, and sometimes have an unpleasant job.  I have become accustom to kicking people out of their homes.  I am facing icky growth.  And I don't like it.

....And The Award Goes To...

The best feature would be the eyes, self expressive, tell no lies.  Moments of proud are ones of success; personal, professional, when I am at my best.  Once dressed down you will discover I am a writer, a poet, a literary lover.  Skills of mine are skills of mind, being intellectual, expanding time.  Memory serves, when I get when I deserve, finding a love so grand and fine.  Next to self, my favorite wealth is my lover, my giant MexiPino friend.  Honesty and loyalty are of golden quality.  Fierce and aggressive, you won't get the best of me, this is how to remember me.  Ambitious, vicious, mostly delicious.  My brain wins most admirable.  My words are of cool, best reflection, self expression.  Motto is to aim high there are no limits.  I am a mind gymnast.   

Tofu Birthing

Finding this difficult balance.  Find this difficult balance.  I am finding this mission of mine to be mellow, controlled, calm, rational, and classy in any situation to be a tofu-like substance.  It’s a bit milky and gooey to push through but once I am there, and have been marinated in flavor called experience, I come out tasty and ready to go.  What a disgusting analogy.  I sometimes wish I had a pleasant face.  One that would be welcoming and happy, and could disguise any raw or hard emotion that I feel, one that could make people have warm fuzzies, letting them leave feeling superb.  I, instead, sport an asshole glare.  An intimidating stare.  I am a weirdo, rocking the one-sided hipster.  I am fashion’s biggest enemy.  Pink tips instead of white.  Red eye shadow instead of brown.  I am not a boring clown, I embrace the inner weirdo.  I love to paint, I love to draw, I adore poetry and literature.  I prefer psych fashion to runway horror.  I am embracing this lovely weirdo.  I will be strange everyday of my life, not a cookie cutter one, but a unique kind of wife.  I enjoy my humor, and need to break out of this shell.  Hell.  I have been captive in my own prison for way too long.  I will be going to college, to become a big important person.  Taking suggestions currently.