Cupidity Crew

The mad. The mad.  The hat.  The hat.  The crow flies through the river.  He feasts on snakes the mess he makes sends my heart to shiver.  The golden tone of words unknown are flowing in fields of grain.  Standing straight; my lips, they break and the saga sold.  Feline havoc, savior mukluk.  Ancient promises, hearty love triumphs.  Droplets of joy, thoughts of Hanoi.  The embrace it keeps, the hands they leak, there is a fallen snow.  The secret colloquy unveiled the dream that let to the wed.  

The New Adventures as Mrs. Pearce

The challenges of this past week have forced me to learn.  On the first night of our honeymoon to the Grand Canyon we were hit by another driver in a new Mercedes.  After the months of stress from the wedding planning and moving the weekend before the wedding, I was looking forward to some peace and quiet.  The twelve hour drive I was tense and scared of the road.  I even slept to calm my fears.  I surrounded our car with the negativity that eventually brought my new purchase to it’s damage.  Learned lesson one:  calm yourself.  No amount of worrying can change what is already set to happen.  Learned lesson two:  let go.  I am discovering how much of a coward I really am.  I am scared of the unknown, terrified.  I used to be so confident in my decisions.  I am now constantly scared of the things that I know I cannot control.  I am always second guessing myself, fearing the worst.  It is time for a change.  I will not allow myself to live like this any more.  Mike and I have been through so much together, and we come out happy, closer than we were the previous second, the previous day.  This car accident, although an inconvenience, is not the end.  Whether the car is repairable or not makes no difference.  Life goes on.  In fact, I am learning that relying on my husband for support generates security for me.  I have for so long been a loner.  I have thought that depending on people was hard work, and I am loving the fact that he is my partner, my best friend and I am so lucky to have married him.  We had the most perfect wedding.  I am learning to gain immense satisfaction in the small things, to truly enjoy the happy moments.  I am done being a Negative Nancy.  I am finished being scared, like a beaten dog.  I am a smart, confident, happy, responsible wife.  Our trip brought us much closer together.  People say that life after the wedding goes downhill.  I disagree.  Michael and I have grown, in a week-span.  We love each other and cherish one another.  It is done.  I am growing.  Life brings us challenges, good and bad.  The ticket is to take those challenges with a smile, realize that as long as we are healthy and happy, life is good.  What a humongous blessing it was that no one was hurt in the car accident.  That car can be repaired or replaced but my husband cannot be replaced.  I am lucky to be alive and have such a beautiful home, wonderful friends, and a great career.  Relax, Mrs. Pearce.  It is going to be okay.  Just learn to calm down, take it one day at a time, enjoy the little things.  Stop being so high strung, you are going to kill yourself if you continue this way.  Find a hobby.  It is okay to be the quiet person with “nothing” going on.  In fact, I am looking forward to it.

The Joy I Did Not Bestow

I will never know what his face looked like.  I made it a point to look away so that the last time I saw him would be right after lunch, when he was still a hard working, smiling employee.  Hard working being a relative term.  I could not stomach the thought of affecting lives in such a way.  Especially the dogs.  They did not do anything to deserve to be kicked out of their home, I feel horrible.  Although I am not at fault, I did what I was told to do.  Serve him an employee written notice with follow up reported to the boss.  I hope that you find peace, sir.  I pray that you find a company that truly appreciates all of the hard work that you do.  I hope that this is a blessing for you.  I hope that you end up right where you want and need to be.

La Croissance est Dure de Faire

I run away in my mind more often than I think I should.  It is this perpetual feeling that things are too complicated, overwhelming, out of control.  Isn't that what this is all about?  Growing up is like looking for a light switch.  In the dark.  On the other side of the house.  I speak often of personal growth, expanding those wings and finding a new flight.  The part that I do not speak of, mostly the part which I often chose to ignore, the part that I push back and let it drive me personally crazy without speaking of it, or trying to release my unsureness, is the crappiness of the bad.  There are awful parts to becoming an "adult".  I am faced with a horrible act that I have to follow through with tomorrow.  I am viewed in this icky light, and sometimes have an unpleasant job.  I have become accustom to kicking people out of their homes.  I am facing icky growth.  And I don't like it.

....And The Award Goes To...

The best feature would be the eyes, self expressive, tell no lies.  Moments of proud are ones of success; personal, professional, when I am at my best.  Once dressed down you will discover I am a writer, a poet, a literary lover.  Skills of mine are skills of mind, being intellectual, expanding time.  Memory serves, when I get when I deserve, finding a love so grand and fine.  Next to self, my favorite wealth is my lover, my giant MexiPino friend.  Honesty and loyalty are of golden quality.  Fierce and aggressive, you won't get the best of me, this is how to remember me.  Ambitious, vicious, mostly delicious.  My brain wins most admirable.  My words are of cool, best reflection, self expression.  Motto is to aim high there are no limits.  I am a mind gymnast.   

Tofu Birthing

Finding this difficult balance.  Find this difficult balance.  I am finding this mission of mine to be mellow, controlled, calm, rational, and classy in any situation to be a tofu-like substance.  It’s a bit milky and gooey to push through but once I am there, and have been marinated in flavor called experience, I come out tasty and ready to go.  What a disgusting analogy.  I sometimes wish I had a pleasant face.  One that would be welcoming and happy, and could disguise any raw or hard emotion that I feel, one that could make people have warm fuzzies, letting them leave feeling superb.  I, instead, sport an asshole glare.  An intimidating stare.  I am a weirdo, rocking the one-sided hipster.  I am fashion’s biggest enemy.  Pink tips instead of white.  Red eye shadow instead of brown.  I am not a boring clown, I embrace the inner weirdo.  I love to paint, I love to draw, I adore poetry and literature.  I prefer psych fashion to runway horror.  I am embracing this lovely weirdo.  I will be strange everyday of my life, not a cookie cutter one, but a unique kind of wife.  I enjoy my humor, and need to break out of this shell.  Hell.  I have been captive in my own prison for way too long.  I will be going to college, to become a big important person.  Taking suggestions currently.

Godzilla Tova

There is a calm stream strolling inside my veins today. A gentleness that one would think a mother gorilla only would possess. There is a strange excitement that is being born with this feeling. One of, perhaps, control. Power. Self respect. I am a perfectly imperfect being. Intense. Too intense. What does that phrase mean? It is a sum of passion, drive, ambition, emotion. It is the feeling of caring for someone or something or some subject incredibly hard. The food for the feeling for the fire that drives me. The stretch in my muscles that touches on change, on a belief that all is for the good. For the decent and happy. Let not a dark thought caress the brain, let not the bleak feeling cater to your heart. Let, instead, the light of the world, the sun of the sky give hope to a needed situation. Be strong, even if things do not go your way, a belief that all is for the good.